I didn't think that I would post about this...

Sometimes... you just have to laugh at it all.

I was never sure how much personal information I would blog about -namely, relationships- but past ones and odd occurrences currently feel acceptable and too relevant to ignore. After all, most female and personal over analysis inevitably revolves around relations with the opposite sex anyway. (Feminists: please don't attack this, it's a personal opinion. I'm fine with any disagreement and will probably see a lot of good points on your side.)

So, last night, after a month of feeling completely freed from all hopelessly hopeful thoughts of an ex-"saga," who I had held a candle to for, admittedly, too long, he contacted me. I had finally decided last month that I either needed to hope for a life with him, everything miraculously uncomplicated and peachy keen, or a life with someone better. Guess which one I picked. See, I can be smart when I want to be. Not that I should only pick one of those two lives and could not have the alternate option of being that independent uber-feminista, but guess what, I love life and all that comes with it, men included.

So, after giving him that last shot, I felt released. I finally realized that he didn't deserve half of what I was building him up to be, and that the "comforting" thought that he would eventually come to his senses (Tick Tick Boom, for all of you musical lovers- total trigger for this audition song) was actually a huge hindrance. Just when I'm starting to let myself feel all Eat, Pray, Love, and starting to get excited about someone new, bam.

I felt like I got hit by a truck for a second. I was luckily with two amazing friends, thanks to Tam and Liv for being on the same shocked couch with me at that moment. And then it passed. I gave myself the option to revert back to the old, give him a chance, think the best in everyone, maybe we are meant to be!-me, and then realized that I actually didn't want to anymore. It could have been fun, it could have led to another night of me hoping, "well, if he sees how great I am, maybe this time he'll realize that he wants to actually man up and go for it for real this time".... and.... nope. Been down this road, traveled long and grew weary and... stepping into the uncharted foliage of the forest. Contentedly so.

It should always just feel comforting to know that that person "cares" enough to "reach out," still thinks of you, etc... and it was mid-afternoon, so no ulterior motives at play (I choose to believe), but events like this somehow always end up testing your strength and feel like it's your big chance to get him back (we are all human after all... right?), and they shouldn't. After the awful truck feeling faded, I chose to feel stronger than ever, and, I am proud to say, did.

Then, today rolled around. Normal, normal, my little brother is the cutest and trying to take his first steps, normal, BAM- another text from another ex. Is there something in the air this weekend? Does Labor Day Weekend bring out some desire to reconnect with me? Well, guess what, boys, I am not a unionized laborer, so please do not falsely honor me as such.

Now this guy: sparks all over, see each other nearly every day-type relationship for months, and suddenly he's gone. No explanation, no human decency in that way, just over. I could say a lot about this, and clearly he recognizes that I deserve an apology and to gain insight on the situation, and I would still love it someday. But, really, at this point, with these two back to back, WHAT is with this weekend. You just have to laugh.

I do feel as if this is some kind of odd test, like are you really feeling better and have you really forgotten us to start dating someone new- type test, so I just need to prevail. If they're opening doors or trying to finally apologize or explain, they can try harder than just a seemingly casual just thought of you, how are you text. I'm pretty sure they both have my email address(es), and I would always appreciate answers to long pondered questions.

Weirdest. Truly. I guess in the end, after all of my attempts at over analysis, all I can do is laugh it off and try to move forward. These experiences will, and already have, made for great songwriting material.

Until next time,
Over Analytical Me